Treasures New and Old

Christian Behavior: Relationships: The Lost

– Romans 6:4

So far, we have looked at the new creatures that we as believers in Christ are, and we looked at the fact that we are now children of God and children of the King – Jesus Christ. Let’s now say a few words about relating to those in our life that are lost and without Christ. I would also remind you of the Seven Disciples’ Principles that we should remember and observe (as in guard, hold important). To review, look back at the first article of the Discipleship series.

Seven Principles Recap:

1. We must always strive to be like Him and understand that we can never be better than Him
2. Always remember that Christ is our Master – others may be teachers or counselors, or brethren, but He is our Master
3. The Master is coming back and will ask for an accounting
4. Hold fast to the truth, don’t stray, avoid the gray areas
5. Disciples serve one another – as our Master gave example
6. Stay in the Master’s Book
7. Be a vessel of honor

Where Do We Walk in Life?

You accepted Christ as your Savior. You repented of your sins. That means that with God’s help, you have turned away from the sinful life you were leading and are now attempting to walk in the light that God gives us. Friends and family have taken notice that something is different about you. Your attitude has changed. Your language may have changed. Certain things you used to do don’t interest you like they did before.

You are a new creature in Christ, and your lost friends may see it but don’t understand it. Some may ask what’s wrong with you or what has happened to you to affect such a change. You try to explain the new relationship that you have, but it is so new, you are having difficulty doing so.

On top of all that, you are having difficulty relating to old friends and family who are not saved and find yourself gravitating to new friends and folks that are saved as you work towards leaving your old life behind.

How do you navigate through these changes?

Let’s Remind Ourselves That We Have Changed:

• 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
• Galatians 6:15-16: “For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcised, but a new creature. And as many as walk according to this rule, peace be on them, and mercy, and upon the Israel of God.”

As a new creature in Christ, you will find that your interest in some things will change – or ought to. Movies, books, activities that are not pleasing to the Lord will need to be avoided. Your friends won’t understand this. Most people want friends and to have fellowship with one another. This fellowship is what has been broken or strained as you begin to pull away from the activities.

Your New Fellowship:

• Acts 2:42: “And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.”
  
• 1 Corinthians 1:9: “God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord.”
• Philippians 3:10: “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;”
• 1 John 1:3: “That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.”
• 1 John 1:7: “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.”

Our new fellowship is now in Christ and with other believers. But what of the lost? How do we relate to them.

Fellowship is the Greek work koinonia and means partnership, communion with, a partaker together (Strong’s G2842). It implies a close relationship of mutual sharing (Thayer G2842). We must learn to make a distinction between fellowship with the lost and friendship with them. Here are a few verses to help us understand:

• Psalm 94:20: “Shall the throne of iniquity have fellowship with thee, which frameth mischief by a law?”
  
• 1 Corinthians 10:20: “But I say, that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to devils, and not to God: and I would not that ye should have fellowship with devils.”
• 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light and darkness?”
• Ephesians 5:11: “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.”
• 1 John 1:6: “If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:”

Right away we should see that one clear distinction is the acts (activities) that need to be avoided. We can no longer participate in those acts. We can hate the sin and still love the sinner, but that does not mean we will participate in their sinful acts.

2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Being yoked is a partnership relationship like marriage, partners in a business, etc. We must draw a line that says, “I’m sorry. But I can no longer do that.” Paul takes up a number of verses discussing the marriage situation between a believer and an unbeliever. That is a special partnership case that I am not going to get into in this article, but sufficient to say that even if you find yourself in such a situation, you must try to avoid those activities that are “works of darkness”.

I will also note, at this time, that many of your friends will leave you when they find out that you have changed and that can be hurtful. It actually isn’t personal; they can’t stand the light of Christ reflecting through you.

Relationship Examples

Family is still family. If you are under age and still within your parent’s management and authority, you must, as best you can, obey them and treat them with respect. If you are asked to do something that violates your conscience, appeal to them, and if they still insist that you do something you believe you cannot do, be ready to accept the consequences with grace.

Friends often come and go in our lives, and those relationships are more easily severed as they need to be. You may find that they will leave you once they see the changes in you.

Work and school are different matters in that you may have to be teamed with those that are not saved and behave accordingly.

Case #1: I remember reading about a young man (we will call him John) who got saved and wanted to start going to a church near his home, but his parents forbade him. To have gone would have been seen as rebellion. After a while of asking several times, his dad added extra chores on him specifically to be done on Sunday morning. At this point, John had a choice: disobey and go to church or obey and miss church. What would you do? Note – his dad never asked him to do evil or activities that would have been considered bad.

Case #2: Bobby is in partnership with another man in a legitimate business. After getting saved, he could no longer approve of refurbishing parts to look new and sell them as new parts. His partner didn’t want to stop as he believed that this had provided them with good profits. What should Bobby do? Sell out his part of the partnership, or refuse to sell those parts, or appeal to the partner for a test period of letting folks know they were refurbished? I understand that the refurbished parts were given the same warranty as new parts.

Case #3: Susie has been dating Thomas for two years, and they have been discussing marriage. Susie has recently gotten saved. She has shared her faith with Tom, and he says religion is for the weak and wants no part of it. Tom is otherwise a “great” guy, and their dating has been morally acceptable. After several attempts to interest Tom, he told Susie to quit pestering him on the subject. If she wants to go to church, fine, but leave him out of it. What should Susie do? Tom looks like he would be a good provider. She loves him and he seems to love her.

Case #4: Tim has been working at a professional business as an employee and has gotten saved. The company has strong business ethics and has never asked Tim to do anything illegal. However, they have numerous “dinners” with clients and customers where drinking can get heavy, and sometimes, they want to go to places after work that Tim can no longer go to. He makes a good salary and does good work for his client base, even to the point they specifically ask for him. He has risen to management, and they are considering him for partnership in the firm. What should Tim do?

Our Commission to the Lost

Matthew 28:18-20: “And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

We can still have relationships with the lost, but we can’t participate in what I will call the works of darkness. People who are friends and family who are lost need to hear the gospel and get saved. Sometimes they refuse to hear verbal truth but will watch and listen to your new life to see if your new “religion” (actually a brand new relationship in Christ!) is real. This is also true with those already unequally yoked in a marriage relationship. Consider:

• Titus 2:5: “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
  
• 1 Peter 3:2: “While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”

Our behavior at school or work can also be “chaste” in that we can be honest, work hard, and remain ethical in what we do. What is true for wives in an unequally yoked marriage is also true in school, work, or as a sibling in a family;

• 1 Peter 3:1: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [behavior] of the wives;”
  

What about Those Four Cases?

Case #1: As I remember the story, before John was saved, he was a bit of a rebellious teenager. The pastor of the church he wanted to attend counseled him to obey his dad and see what happened. After all, his dad was not asking him to participate in any “works of darkness”. John began to do the chores, quit asking his dad to go to church, and frankly surprised his dad in the dramatic change in behavior. After several months, his dad asked him what made the change. He then shared his testimony without condemnation of his parents. his dad then let him go to church and eventually did as well.

Case #2: Bobby could suggest that they set apart some of the refurbished parts marked as such and only reduce them five percent but keep the full new part warranty. They may find that customers will grab those up as bargains and sales may actually improve. If the partner still refuses, Bobby should consider that best way to dissolve the partnership.

Case #3: Susie must break off the relationship, even if it hurts. If may be that Tom will see her “chaste” behavior, see that she is serious about her new faith, and inquire about salvation himself. However, Susie must not enter into a marriage relationship with Tom as long as he is lost, and should be get saved, she needs to watch a while to be certain that he is saved. Tom should be glad to wait so that he can concentrate on his new relationship with Christ.

Case #4: This case is a slightly modified version of my past situation. I did not drink and didn’t react when those around me swore like drunken sailors. Over time, they stopped swearing in my presence, asked me to be the designated driver on required TDY trips. They never asked me to participate in those after dinner trips and activities and, eventually, many of them would come into my office, shut the door, and ask for counsel. As far as I know, none of them ever got saved (there were others at work who were saved), but they have seen difference in us, and I can only hope and pray that they will change.

What Then Should We Do?

1. Pray for those in your life that are lost
   
2. Do not partake in any works of darkness
3. Be ready always to give a reason for the hope that lies within you (testimony and gospel)
4. Be consistent in your new walk with Christ
5. Love the lost but hate their sin – and don’t be arrogant or look down at them via some long religious nose – you were once lost, and someone loved you enough to share the gospel with you
6. Don’t be a “shadow” Christian – but love the light
7. Ask God for guidance in those difficult relationships that are not easily changed

Maranatha!

May God bless you all!

Bro. Joe

Strong, J. Strong's Hebrew and Greek Dictionaries. Meyers, R. (2005). e-Sword. [computer software] . Franklin, TN: Equipping Ministries Foundation. (Original work published 1539)

Thayer, J. Thayer's Greek Definitions. Meyers, R. (2005). e-Sword. [computer software] . Franklin, TN: Equipping Ministries Foundation.

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